A few questions

This article first appeared in The Age on November 6, 2004

The second Black Jack telemovie, 'Sweet Science' is on tomorrow (Channel 10, 8.30 p.m) and it's a ripper. It's inspired, I suspect, by the execution of a Gangland member in front of his sons at an oz kick match in Brunswick recently, and begins with a similar crime - though this one is set in Glebe, in the early Nineties - before moving to the present when those young boys have become young men. The telemovie is perfect for a story like this that is self contained, but couldn't have been wrapped up in an hour but the form is also becoming fashionable as stations use them to test out audiences before they commission a full series. Since it's that time of year, we are expecting to hear that Channel 9 will give The Alice the thumbs up and the likeable but average, The Reef - which screened last week - a thumbs down.

If you like yelling at, and competing with, your television screen, consider tomorrow night's Grand Final edition of The Einstein Factor (ABC, 6.30 pm). The finalists have overcome 78 other contestants to secure their spots. Diana Burleigh is an expert on the lives and works of Gilbert and Sullivan. Police Officer Alan Dew specialises in Irish rebel and statesman Michael Collins and John Petkovshek knows more than is healthy about Australian rock from the '70s and '80s - possibly the only topic the audience would have clue about. The Brains Trust are particularly brainy this week: Dr Barry Jones, comedian Matt Parkinson and barrister Dr Jocelyn Scutt.

Inspired by these fine minds, I have decided to set some questions on an area I am relatively brainy in myself: the history of Australian television. Q. According to various 'polls', what is the best-loved moment on Australian TV? A. The delicatessen bomb blast in Number 96. Q. The second most? A. Scott (Jason Donovan) and Charlene (Kylie Minogue's) wedding on Neighbours, Australia's longest running soap. Q. How long did Channel 9 support Graham Kennedy's In Melbourne Tonight? A. 13 years. Q. How long did Channel 9 support Micallef Tonight? A. 13 weeks. Q. What is scarier? Benita Collings without a bra, (on Playschool, circa. 1975) or lesbian mothers (on Playschool, circa. 2004). A. They are both very, very scary. Q. Why does Channel 9 keep interspersing new episodes of Without a Trace with old ones so we lose track of the narrative arc? A. Because they don't care about their audience, only their ratings. (Yes, I know that isn't an Australian show but hey, it has Australian actors and I needed to get that off my chest.) The result is more and more people will resort to hiring or buying DVD's of their favourite serials. Q. Do we blame young Australians for choosing to watch Australian Idol rather than Howard debating Latham on Channel 9? A. No, the two shows were fairly indistinguishable. Q. How long did Channel ten support its series The Secret Life of Us? A. 3 years. Q. How long did Channel Ten support its new series The Cooks? A. One week. Q. How much money did Channel 10 spend on The Cooks? A. Heaps. Q. Who are two of the best television actors in Australia? A. Kate Atkinson and Rhondda Findleton. Q. What show did they recently star in? A. The Cooks. Q. Was The Cooks any good? A. It wasn't great but it was getting better. Q. How can Australian stations hope to grow decent Australian television drama if it doesn't stand by its product? A. They can't. Q. And the winner is? A. Noone.

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