Reality TV & 24

A revised version of this column first ran in the Age, February 14, 200

Ever have your job flash before your eyes? I did when I heard that the free to air stations would be screening more than forty reality TV shows between them, the 'reality' being as scripted and constructed as a comedy or drama, just with more boring bits in between.

I have a certain sympathy for Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, stars of The Simple Life, a series, which premiered, last Thursday (Channel 7, 7.30pm) who claim they were asked by producers to play up their party girl image. Two LA Princesses, they are forced to hand in their credit cards, but not their skimpy outfits, then taken down to a farm in 'hillbilly country' to stay with the Leding family. Once they get there they are snobby, scared and lazy. They put their hands up cows, Paris asks if Wal-Mart is 'where you buy wall stuff' and make jokes about threesomes. You get the impression that Nicole Richie is a decent woman, she just tries to hide it. Hilton's performance is as deadpan in The Simple Life as it is in her other recent reality performance - having sex on video with a boyfriend. (And crucially, as one friend asked me, where does Paris keep her vagina? There certainly isn't room for one in her pants and we couldn't see it in the video either. Perhaps I should give failed Australian Idol, Millsy who's still, you know, famous, a call and ask him if he ever found it.)

Here's one of my major beefs with Reality TV. The slow motion bits. They did it in the last episode of Australian Idol and Big Brother. A style of compilation that implies a historical narrative and hero status. Like Cathy Freeman winning Gold, or fire fighters saving whole towns. Now that visual language is used to give status to people like Guy Sebastian or Reggie who have a history with their viewers of approximately three months, and have done nothing much at all. Reality Television serves us up fast myths and heroes as if they were so many Big Macs.

A lot of series have returned in the last couple of weeks so the reality-phobic among you can stick to your old favourites. Friends (7.30pm, Monday, Channel 9) is winding up this year after 10 years and I'm keen to see how they do it. Sex in the City is also beginning its final season (9.30pm, Monday, Channel 9). The opener of CSI: Miami (8.30p.m. Wednesday. Channel 9) was a corker, as was the first Without a Trace (9.30pm, Wednesday, channel 9) which boasts OUR Anthony and his new Golden Globe. This week the third season of 24 begins (Monday, Channel 7, 9.30pm) Kim has grown a fringe and a brain, Jack has a spunky sidekick and the president's brother is played by D. B Woodside (ex- Buffy). The little taste of biological terror in the first episode proves addictive. Addictive, as those who watch it will see, being the operative word.

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